3 ways to Quieten your Inner Drama Queen (or King)

 

I am a professional storyteller. As a publicist, I get paid to embellish the truth and spin a story to be as positive or as negative as possible, depending upon the intention. I like to think I am quite good at what I do, but even I am an amateur compared to my Inner Drama Queen (IDQ). You see my IDQ can turn a simple event, such as someone not calling me back, into a conspiracy theory and movie length story that would surely stand a chance for an Academy Award.

 

We all have our own IDQ and it exists because somewhere we have convinced our self one, or both, of the following ideas are true-

 

  1. ‘The universe revolves around me’
  2. ‘There is no such thing as a simple explanation’

 

There is what happens to us in life, and then there is what we tell our self about what has happened. Often without us consciously deciding what we believe, our IDQ takes over and turns a molehill into a mountain.

 

Let me give you a recent and amusing example of my IDQ in action.

 

I have a friend I have known since high school. We do not see each other often but I have always had a real soft spot for her. She is incredibly likeable, down to earth; and one of those rare individuals, that can make anyone feel comfortable in her presence because she is genuinely lovely.

 

We both had babies around the same time and I remember clear as day her coming over for a play date and telling me all about a business idea she had to help mums get back in shape after having babies.

 

Fast-forward five years and she has created a fitness empire, she has featured on the cover of magazines and is about to launch her business internationally. I could not be happier for her and it is so exciting to witness her success.

 

Even with all this said, my IDQ was able to turn this beautiful friend of mine into a foe. Here is how it unfolded in my mind –

 

I had a business opportunity that related to the world of fitness and I knew this particular friend would be perfect to speak with. Given she had been so busy building her empire we had not spoken for a while. Instead of calling I decided to send a message and make a time to see her in person. I waited patiently for a reply.

 

A week later and still no response, my IDQ went into overdrive and had me start to think along the following lines- I was no longer good enough to be her friend, she had changed and not in a good way and it was better for me to simply let go and accept our friendship had ended. Crazy right?

 

This was all until I received a message from her husband apologising on her behalf and letting me know her Grandmother, of whom she loved dearly, was close to death. My friend had stopped everything to spend the last precious moments with a woman who had shaped her life in everyway.

 

My heart broke for my dear friend and all I wanted to do was give her a hug. Beyond my initial shock, I took the time to become aware of the crazy thoughts I had entertained all because I had not received a message back. This was the work of my IDQ, so pointless and potentially damaging.

 

We all do it and as much as we might say that is just the way we are, it is not the truth. Each of us has the power to control our mind and put our IDQ in her place. In my own life I have found the following 3 actions help me bring about a new perspective and keep centered in truth-

 

  1. Write it out- put pen to paper and write out the conspiracy theories, stories and excuses that are circling in your mind. Most of the time you will see how ridiculous they are. It also gives you an opportunity to literally rewrite the thoughts there and then.

 

  1. Give it a positive spin- instead of simply going along for the crazy ride my IDQ was taking me on, I had the option to stop and create other possible reasons my friend had not got back to me. These could have included- she was busy brokering an international deal or travelling the world and in a different time zone. If you are going to make up a story, why not make sure it is positive and one that makes you feel good.

 

  1. Go with the flow- I went from feeling offended to upset to angry all because my IDQ wanted to create drama. I could have easily said to myself, she will get back to me at the perfect time and that would have been the end of it. Life unfolds as it is meant to.

 

The difference between a simple life and a complicated one is what happens in your mind. The long and short of it is drama is not necessary. 

 We all fear the unknown to some degree and I believe drama is our way of filling in the blanks. If that is the case I would like to suggest we fill in the blanks with stories of love, hope and gratitude. Basically if you are going to make something up, do it to make you feel good.

 

Sure our IDQ may come in handy when writing the script of that Academy Award winning movie length story but other than that, let go of the drama and keep it simple.

 

Love and Magic

 

Carlii xx

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How to embrace change and not be afraid to lose fans along the way

 

We are all in the business of Public Relations. I think back to my time as a celebrity publicist and what my role entailed. Essentially my client had a well known public persona and it was my job to ensure promotional activities reinforced that image. The ultimate aim being to keep the fans happy and have my client continue to be in demand.

 

It is no different with every day individuals though we do it for ourselves. We do what we can to keep our fans happy, in most cases our fans include family, friends and colleagues. They all have an expectation of who we are and almost come to rely upon us not changing too much or at all. So we work out the magic formula and create a public persona that keeps everyone happy. We then spend everyday reinforcing it. How often have you heard yourself say “I would never do that”, “I have never liked that”, “I have always thought this” or “I only ever go there” the list goes on and on. Whenever you take a firm stance on who you are, you shut down any possibility of opening your mind to change and new experiences.

 

Try as we may to stay the same, the universe will constantly test our resolve and whether we are open to it or not, change is inevitable. This hit me only last week on a typically mundane Saturday morning.

 

Saturday morning in our household is reserved for children’s sport activities. In our case the boys have Karate. Have done for over three years. I think my Husband and I like it much more than they do. It gives us a false sense of hope that one day if they are ever in a sticky situation, they will at least be able to karate chop themselves out of it. So on this particular Saturday morning, like every other, we all piled in the car and headed to the Dojo.

 

With spring in the air, we drove with all the windows down and let Jack Johnson’s melodic voice set the mood. Not sure if it was the smell of spring or the sound of Jack, but I became completely immersed in the moment. I looked over at my husband, my closest friend and the man who I love more than anything. I then glanced over my shoulder to the back seat at our two magnificent creations. My heart felt as if it would explode with love and in that moment I became so grateful for all that was.

 

The thought that immediately followed was how only ten years ago I had convinced myself marriage was not for me, I would rather have dogs over children and investing in designer shoes was a worthwhile financial plan. I was jet setting all over the world and I thought I had figured out who I really was. I was so wrong. God only knows who I will be in another ten to twenty years. My husband is convinced I will end up an outspoken old lady with bright red lipstick wearing an outrageous outfit, I sincerely hope so.

 

Life offers us the opportunities to change and when it feels right, I believe we need to learn how to go with the flow. In doing so we may lose friends, or fans so to speak, but this is part of life. If I had to choose between losing fans and losing myself to keep up appearances, well it really is a no brainer.

 

 

No matter what you do or how much you may fear it, everything changes, including who you are on the outside and inside (more so when you are willing to let go and live in the moment). There is only one part of you that remains the same for all of your life. It is ageless, timeless and cannot be touched by the mind. It is the light, the source of life that resides within you at all times. The sacred space, that is always there to draw upon when you are ready. It is ultimately the only thing in life you can depend on remaining the same.

 

If that is the case why hold onto who we think we are at all? Why not be open to all new experiences and be willing to rewrite who we are on a daily basis? Why not give into all that life has to offer and try on as many different ways of being as possible? I believe the answer lies in the fear of losing fans. The fear that our loved ones won’t approve and will no longer accept us.

 

So my thoughts are as follows- just as you change, so does your loved ones, in fact when you bravely face change, you give them permission to do the same. You inspire others to go with the flow and let go of who they think they are and simply be who ever they chose to be in each moment.

 

I urge you to look back over your own journey, reflect on how much you have changed whether you were conscious of it or not. It may help you better embrace the unexpected changes that you face today or the changes you want to make but are afraid to do so.

 

You are not your name, your age, your appearance, your circumstances, your body, your ideas, your preferences or your mind. You are a soul, a light, here to discover love and follow that inner voice that can only be heard when you actually stop to listen. People, even loved ones, will come and go, and as much as we love them, it serves us best to do, be and have what it is we are authentically seeking.

 

We may lose fans and then gain others along the way however the only way we will find our true purpose in this life is to be true to our self. The fans that stick around for the entire journey and love you no matter what, are the ones who really count in the end anyway.

 

Love and Magic

 

Carlii xxx

Changing the face of beauty and the memory that haunts me

 

Why do some moments make it to the memory bank? and others so easily become forgettable? This is a topic that absolutely fascinates me and my own theory is that every memory holds a gem. A lesson, that will ultimately help guide our journey through life.

 

After starting this blog I have been amazed at how many memories have come flooding back to me. The moments that have shaped who I am as a woman, wife, mother, friend, sister and daughter. Every time they appear in the forefront of my minds eye, it is as if they are inviting me to witness them in detail and search for the wisdom contained within.

 

A memory that keeps popping to mind recently and demanding my attention has everything to do with the passage of age and the evolution of beauty.

 

As a woman one of the big challenges I face, and am constantly working through, is how much I allow my appearance to define who I am. Like many other women, I love to look and feel beautiful and be desired. There is a certain power that comes with beauty and there is no denying that it can be intoxicating. I fear the loss of beauty and I have misguided myself to believe that age will eventually steal it from me.

 

This fear undoubtedly stems from popular culture and the widely accepted notion that beauty is exclusively linked with youth. If we don’t look like a fresh faced (and heavily airbrushed) 20 something year old, then we are not truly beautiful. Any slight hint of age, and we immediately start looking for ways to mask it and create an illusion of youth. This obsession is what has bolstered the billion dollar Botox phenomena and not to mention the entire cosmetic surgery industry (which I should add is not all bad and everyone has the right to do whatever they wish to their body).

 

So what is the memory and why does it haunt me?

 

Quite some time ago my husband and I were entertaining an international business colleague and his wife at our home, we will call him Mr. X. Both Mr. X and his wife are highly accomplished individuals in their late sixties. As we enjoyed an elaborate array of cakes and exotic tea we listened to their tales of travel, career success and life experiences. We then came to the wonderful story of how they met.

 

Mr. X unfortunately began the story with “When she was younger she was truly beautiful”. Beyond that statement I zoned out. I was angry. Here sat a woman who was still beautiful, a woman in her sixties who had a great sense of style and flaunted heels that captured my heart the moment she walked into the room. She was striking and despite her age, in my eyes she was beautiful.

 

She did not flinch at his hurtful comment but I could not help but think it must of upset her. Had he not been an important business associate I perhaps would of spoken my mind. I would of stood up for her and all other women who feel they are no longer beautiful because they are in their later stages of life.

 

I have already warned my husband never to say anything even remotely like that and perhaps that is the answer. Each of us as women need influence the collective mind and rewrite the definition of beauty. We need first to believe in the notion, that beauty is a state of being as opposed to a specific set of appearances; Not simply pay it lip service but actually embody it as truth. In doing so we inspire younger generations to face the inevitable passage of time with confidence rather than fear. This is why I believe women like Linda Rodin, Iris Apfel and Sarah Jane Adams have captured so much attention (if you don’t know them, look them up and follow them immediately).

 

These women (mentioned above) make me excited to grow older, wiser and more courageous. They unashamedly defy the notion that the ‘young have all the fun’ and in my opinion they are beautiful. Another wonderful woman who has influenced me is the Grandmother of my dear friend Kathryn Eisman. Nana Anna as she was lovingly known, was one of the most elegant and graceful women I have ever encountered. The last time I saw Nana Anna she was 93 and looking as exquisite as ever. Always meticulously put together in great fashion, she had a certain joy and enthusiasm for life that shined bright right up until her last days. I know her mere presence had an impact on many, as she was a perfect example of a woman who had a beauty that was ageless.

 

Nana Anna radiated beauty from within and it was her inner world that shaped her external appearance. If we aspire to live in a world where the individual is celebrated and beauty is a state of being as opposed to an unrealistic ideal, we first need to be that within our own being. As Gandhi once said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world”, though I am almost certain he was not referring to the world of appearances, I do believe being your own kind of beautiful does have a positive impact. When you are your own kind of beautiful you give other women (and men) permission to be the same.

 

I am grateful the memory popped into my mind as I truly do believe it held a lesson I need to remind myself of daily. As Deepak Chopra says “Use your memories, don’t let your memories use you”.

 

With love and magic

 

 

Carlii xxx